Monday, February 6, 2012

Miss America Meets Diaper Changing

I think there should be diaper changing competitions. If we can turn on the TV and watch a competition where men pull train cars attached to their waists by chains, why can’t we watch a contest where men race against time, odor, and other men to change diapers?

I know, people who like daytime talk shows and don't eat hot dogs would say this could make a spectacle out of what should be a caring interaction. But that road’s already been traveled; just try watching a beauty pageant where a teenage girl tries to explain how her platform of adopting animals will create world peace. In a bathing suit. (On the other hand, dressing animals in bathing suits might help with world peace. People would spend more time looking at Siamese cats in bikinis on YouTube instead of blowing things up.)

I would have no interest in participating in such a contest—I can never keep my child still long enough for an effective diaper change, and I almost never get those velcro straps facing the right way the first time. But it would be interesting to learn some new techniques, plus the prizes would be unique:

Anouncer: Congratulations, you’ve won our first annual diaper changing contest! Your prize is a year’s supply of butt paste!
Diaper Changing Champion: Uh, I was actually looking for the train-pulling competition. 

Yes, this could bring a new awareness to the challenges of parenting, all while providing some entertainment. And there's already a precedent for it. Just think of all the shows where people have to get rid of crap as quickly as possible for our entertainment, like American Idol or C-SPAN.

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